Wednesday, October 28, 2009

And then there was one...

We went and saw the remaining option for doctors out in town yesterday. I'm not too sure yet what to think about him. For now I'm reserving judgement until after we see him again. We have another appointment next week.

At least this one we were even willing to see again so that is a step in the right direction.

Monday, October 26, 2009

I feel so popular

Wow I didn't realize so many people were reading my blog.

Or that so many people had an opinion on what we were doing. Not that I mind. I think the more information we have the better decisions we can make. Our parents, families and friends who know us and who have, or are, dealing with similar things can offer insights that sometimes it's hard to see when you are living day to day with something.

So please keep sharing advice and words of wisdom. We do appreciate and take it in the spirit we know it's intended.

I do want to clarify a couple things from my previous post.

We are not looking to put a label on Grace. We are also not looking to medicate her as an answer to the issues we are dealing with. Neither one of those things improve the quality of her life.

Our goal in seeking care for her is to try to find out what is going on in her mind, how her brain works, how her thoughts process and with that information how we can most effectively parent her.

She doesn't think like me. What seems logical and makes sense to me just doesn't to her. It doesn't make it wrong it just means as the parent I may have to adjust my thinking, and parenting, in such a way that she can understand it. At least for now that's how I look at it.

At this point in time we are medicating her for adhd. It's been about 11 months since we started that and there has been a definite improvement in her ability to function in school. I was anti-medication for children. If you had asked me 18 months ago I would have told you I thought adhd was hugely over diagnosed in our society. Actually I still think that. However in our case after years of reading books and taking classes on behavior modification, positive reinforcement, staying consistent, presenting a united front, plus others I was out of resources. The school guidance counselor for k-2 informed me that she didn't have any other ideas for us since we've already done everything they usually recommend. Even with all that Grace was still in danger of getting suspended because of her behavior. That is what prompted us to take the next step and see a psychiatrist. We had evaluations completed by teachers, coaches, and Josh as well as the doctor prior to the diagnosis. It was not a easy choice for us, don't think that because I don't usually talk about it on here, or maybe even in real life that it's not something that didn't weigh heavily on is before we took that step. Our daughter was six, in first grade and in danger of getting suspended. She knew the principal very well, I knew him. School was becoming a negative. In first grade. She still had years and years ahead of her. We had to do something different and for us this was the right choice. I am sure some of you may not agree, which is fine, but for us at this point it was the right choice. School is still not perfect. She still struggles but not at the same level as before. There is a new principal this year and two months into the school year she has never met him, a huge improvement over last year.

After typing all that I feel like it sounds like I am trying to justify our choices. Maybe I am. I have doubts. I don't think every choice we've made has been the correct one. I know we're not perfect. Maybe that's why I'm reaching out to those that care about us looking for support. I don't know.

Maybe I should let Josh read this before I post it. :)

Anyways as for the future I don't know what's going to happen. I just know I love my husband and my daughters more then anything. I just want them to grow up knowing we did the best we could for them.

For now we are still waiting to see what happens with medical. I know that if we wanted to we would be able to go back to the states without Josh. Clearly that is not what we want to do. Our first choice will always be to stay together as a family, time will tell if that works out.

If you read this and come back and it's gone then Josh told me to delete it. lol

Tuesday, October 20, 2009


and trying to live the one you have which is not always the one you expected.

I admit the life I have is not the one I thought I would have when Josh and I imagined the family we would create together.

Do I love my children? Yes, without a doubt.

Would I change them? No, that's not for me to do. God created them the way they are for a reason.

Would I do everything I can to help make life easier for them? In a second.

Usually I use this blog as a place to share funny stories about the girls to our family and friends or tell yet another story in what has become my personal medical drama but lately I know it's been quiet.

Kind of along the lines of if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all.

Ok that's a bit dramatic but life has been a bit bumpier then usual and we have been looking for answers and not finding any so here I am laying it all out there for you guys.

And asking for prayers. Prayers for guidance. Divine intervention. Healing. Strength. Faith. Love. Hope. Answers. Plus the ability to know when presented with the correct answers.

As you all know Grace has not always been the easiest child. Is she loving, yes of course she can be but we all know when that switch flips all bets are off and since we have been back from the states that switch has been flipping ALL. THE. TIME. The meltdown have been increasing in intensity and frequency.

Plus the psychiatrist that she was seeing has left the island and the psychologist we see is leaving next month. There is no one coming to replace either one. There will be a child psychiatrist that will come once a year for two weeks. Not good news.

The resources available off base are very limited but I researched what was there and we went and saw a doctor last week and it was not a good experience. We will not be seeing him again. His advice was not anything we are willing to do and when we told her doctors what he recommended they agreed with us that they were not appropriate choices for her. There is one more doctor out in town that we have an appointment with next week so we will see how that goes. Honestly it couldn't be worse then the doctor we saw.

She is officially diagnosed with ADHD and ODD with red flags for early onset childhood bi-polar disorder. For now the visiting child psychiatrist is changing around her adhd medications and we are going to see how she responds to that.

At this point it seems to come down to two choices. We stay here in Guam as a family but Grace isn't going to receive services other then our family doctor strictly to refill prescriptions.

Or Grace, Brianna and I return to the states and Josh stays here until summer '11 but Grace will be able to get the services she needs.

Neither are choices I want to choose.