Monday, October 26, 2009

I feel so popular

Wow I didn't realize so many people were reading my blog.

Or that so many people had an opinion on what we were doing. Not that I mind. I think the more information we have the better decisions we can make. Our parents, families and friends who know us and who have, or are, dealing with similar things can offer insights that sometimes it's hard to see when you are living day to day with something.

So please keep sharing advice and words of wisdom. We do appreciate and take it in the spirit we know it's intended.

I do want to clarify a couple things from my previous post.

We are not looking to put a label on Grace. We are also not looking to medicate her as an answer to the issues we are dealing with. Neither one of those things improve the quality of her life.

Our goal in seeking care for her is to try to find out what is going on in her mind, how her brain works, how her thoughts process and with that information how we can most effectively parent her.

She doesn't think like me. What seems logical and makes sense to me just doesn't to her. It doesn't make it wrong it just means as the parent I may have to adjust my thinking, and parenting, in such a way that she can understand it. At least for now that's how I look at it.

At this point in time we are medicating her for adhd. It's been about 11 months since we started that and there has been a definite improvement in her ability to function in school. I was anti-medication for children. If you had asked me 18 months ago I would have told you I thought adhd was hugely over diagnosed in our society. Actually I still think that. However in our case after years of reading books and taking classes on behavior modification, positive reinforcement, staying consistent, presenting a united front, plus others I was out of resources. The school guidance counselor for k-2 informed me that she didn't have any other ideas for us since we've already done everything they usually recommend. Even with all that Grace was still in danger of getting suspended because of her behavior. That is what prompted us to take the next step and see a psychiatrist. We had evaluations completed by teachers, coaches, and Josh as well as the doctor prior to the diagnosis. It was not a easy choice for us, don't think that because I don't usually talk about it on here, or maybe even in real life that it's not something that didn't weigh heavily on is before we took that step. Our daughter was six, in first grade and in danger of getting suspended. She knew the principal very well, I knew him. School was becoming a negative. In first grade. She still had years and years ahead of her. We had to do something different and for us this was the right choice. I am sure some of you may not agree, which is fine, but for us at this point it was the right choice. School is still not perfect. She still struggles but not at the same level as before. There is a new principal this year and two months into the school year she has never met him, a huge improvement over last year.

After typing all that I feel like it sounds like I am trying to justify our choices. Maybe I am. I have doubts. I don't think every choice we've made has been the correct one. I know we're not perfect. Maybe that's why I'm reaching out to those that care about us looking for support. I don't know.

Maybe I should let Josh read this before I post it. :)

Anyways as for the future I don't know what's going to happen. I just know I love my husband and my daughters more then anything. I just want them to grow up knowing we did the best we could for them.

For now we are still waiting to see what happens with medical. I know that if we wanted to we would be able to go back to the states without Josh. Clearly that is not what we want to do. Our first choice will always be to stay together as a family, time will tell if that works out.

If you read this and come back and it's gone then Josh told me to delete it. lol


dorothy said...

wait - you sound like me! :) No need to deleat - sometimes it just feels good to say it clearly - doesn't it? : ) So does this mean you are not planning on moving in with me? :( I was looking at bigger houses and every thing! (teasing)

Anonymous said...


Your post makes me sad to think that anyone would say anything negative about your choices and parenting ability. To those people I say Walk a mile people walk a mile. I know in my heart you are going above and beyond to do the right thing for your family and you will continue to do so as long as it takes to make Graces life a place where she can just be the persohn GOD made her to be. I don't have any advise to give you but please know we love you guys and we will pray for you. God has a plan for all of you and if he brought you to it he will bring you through it. Just trust and believe in him. We love you guys! Have a wonderful day!


Jolie-Anne said...

It's clear that you are committed and loving parents, which is probably the most important thing. Don't let other people make you insecure. Only you know what works for you and your family. The role of your friends and family is to love and support you in your choices.