Life...

and trying to live the one you have which is not always the one you expected.

I admit the life I have is not the one I thought I would have when Josh and I imagined the family we would create together.

Do I love my children? Yes, without a doubt.

Would I change them? No, that's not for me to do. God created them the way they are for a reason.

Would I do everything I can to help make life easier for them? In a second.

Usually I use this blog as a place to share funny stories about the girls to our family and friends or tell yet another story in what has become my personal medical drama but lately I know it's been quiet.

Kind of along the lines of if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all.

Ok that's a bit dramatic but life has been a bit bumpier then usual and we have been looking for answers and not finding any so here I am laying it all out there for you guys.

And asking for prayers. Prayers for guidance. Divine intervention. Healing. Strength. Faith. Love. Hope. Answers. Plus the ability to know when presented with the correct answers.

As you all know Grace has not always been the easiest child. Is she loving, yes of course she can be but we all know when that switch flips all bets are off and since we have been back from the states that switch has been flipping ALL. THE. TIME. The meltdown have been increasing in intensity and frequency.

Plus the psychiatrist that she was seeing has left the island and the psychologist we see is leaving next month. There is no one coming to replace either one. There will be a child psychiatrist that will come once a year for two weeks. Not good news.

The resources available off base are very limited but I researched what was there and we went and saw a doctor last week and it was not a good experience. We will not be seeing him again. His advice was not anything we are willing to do and when we told her doctors what he recommended they agreed with us that they were not appropriate choices for her. There is one more doctor out in town that we have an appointment with next week so we will see how that goes. Honestly it couldn't be worse then the doctor we saw.

She is officially diagnosed with ADHD and ODD with red flags for early onset childhood bi-polar disorder. For now the visiting child psychiatrist is changing around her adhd medications and we are going to see how she responds to that.

At this point it seems to come down to two choices. We stay here in Guam as a family but Grace isn't going to receive services other then our family doctor strictly to refill prescriptions.

Or Grace, Brianna and I return to the states and Josh stays here until summer '11 but Grace will be able to get the services she needs.

Neither are choices I want to choose.